The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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