he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
