In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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