My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
