whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
