last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
