i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
