thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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