just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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