I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
