So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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