Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Me too!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
