I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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