I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
