Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
