Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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