sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
