the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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