smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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