is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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