I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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