If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
