All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
