i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
