She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize