at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
