Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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