After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
