new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
