As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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