She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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