maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just cropdusted the office
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
