my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
