I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
