You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
