its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i think i just lost a toe
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