I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
