Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
