wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
