Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
