I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I enjoy the company of your penis
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