u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
420 ftw
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
