so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
