we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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