i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
