I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
