my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
