Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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