Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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