My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
