I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
