I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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