'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
