did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
