either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
