Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
