I will die if light touches me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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