Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
