I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
