I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
