Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
