apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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