You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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